Taking The Time to Make Dinner Only to be Outdone

It's probably better that I'm writing about this now, because at the time I was so infuriated that I probably would have done a lot of husband bashing. But now that I've had time to cool down, it's more of a learning experience, right?

So about a week and a half ago I took the time to make a really yummy dinner (I have to admit that my mom was visiting, so I wasn't neglecting the kids or anything). Dr. J comes home early, around 4:30, much earlier than we've seen him the past few days. Dr. J checks his email from work and says, "Oh, there's a drug rep dinner tonight at the Artichoke Cafe and my attending, Dr. E., is the guest speaker. I really think I should go...the last time he had a lecture like this none of the Interns attended and Dr. E. was pretty disappointed....(long pause)...but I don't have to go." (Let me just explain really quickly that The Artichoke Cafe is one of the nicer restaurants in town, the average entree is about $30. And we all know that drug reps are willing to drop a significant amount of money for dinners.) I try to stay calm and tell myself that it would be good for Dr. J to go, brownie points are a part of the whole game, but why drop it on me after I've already spent my time making dinner? (It's partially the fault of the guy who sends out the emails, he usually sends them out within less than 24 hours of the even.) And why does it have to be at The Artichoke Cafe? And gosh, I get disappointed when I don't get to see my husband most of the day only to have him come home and tell me he's going to dinner somewhere else.

Dr. J decided he should go to the dinner/lecture. I send Dr. J off most discourteously and inform him that if there are any leftovers from my dinner he won't get to eat any. I was so mad that I felt like I had a pit in my stomach (I hate to be cliche, but I could seriously feel all of my anger centered in my body). He's gone for almost 4 hours! This was due to the slowness of the restaurant. Dr. J said it took 2 hours just to get the main course. It was good that he was gone for that long, because I had cooled down enough to talk to him civilly by that point.

In my husbands defense I'd like to say these things:
1)He probably went because my mom was with me and could help with the kids
2)It was his attending, and it's always good to impress your attending
3) He told me that tomorrow night there's actually some big name psych guy coming to give a talk at another one of these dinners, but he said he's not going to go because he already had something else for work tonight (a book club through the department) and didn't get home until 9 PM.
4)He brought me home a piece of chocolate cake from the dinner, which tasted pretty good, so that helped calm me down, too.

In my defense, I would have been just fine if I had been given more than 5 minutes notice. I have nothing against free dinners and impressing your superiors, just tell me so I can take the kids out to eat.

Does the Hospital Own Your Life?

It would be really easy to take all of my frustration out on Jeremy, and be mad at him for being gone all the time, but it's really not his fault. After the first month of residency I came to the conclusion that the hospital owns our life right now. And you just kind of have to sit back and take it. Every time I start to get frustrated because he doesn't make it home for dinner or he's gone on Saturday and it ruins the weekend, I have to tell myself it's OK, it's not his fault. It's just what residency is.

Does anybody else feel like that?